The Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure
by ayafangirl
Summary: The Skool holds a school musical...and Zim lands lead role! And...they're pirates! Can Dib stop him from another evil scheme? And where's GIR's piggie? no pairings, sheer comedy. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

The Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure

Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to lucky Mr. Jhonen Vasquez. Darn him.

**A/N: Oh, yes! My first Invader Zim fic! It's sheer comedy, so don't look for anything much here except goofiness. Also, it may seem like it's implyied, but there's also no ZaDr in this. There's some GIR-Zim friendship though. Um, that said, enjoyed chapter one!**

Ch. 1: The Flying Pirate Ship

It was a pretty normal day in Ms. Bitters' class. She was rambling on about the uselessness of life and how everyone would eventually meet their own miserable DOOM. Most students were drooling on themselves, some were gazing out the window wistfully, and two students were oblivious to it all.

Dib Membrane was glaring down Zim, who looked back calmly, a gentle smirk on his face. _I will expose you, you extra-terrestrial menace! Earth shall be saved!_

_One of these days, Dib-monkey, I'll use my Ultra Blaster Ray and slice you to bits. Then I'll feed your bones to GIR._

As the silent conversation continued over the dull buzz of fluorescent lights, an announcement came on and got everyone's attention.

"Attention. Ms. Bitters' class is to report to the auditorium for play practice from now until dismissal. Thank you."

Ms. Bitters rolled her eyes at the speaker and turned back to her class. "You heard what they said. Everyone go. We'll be practicing for next month's musical for the rest of the day."

"Musical?" Zim asked out loud although not really to anyone in particular. "What is this _musical _of which she speaks?"

"It was on the announcements last week too," Dib answered, although the Irken was his arch rival, he was also the only one who bothered to talk to him. "Weren't you paying any attention?"

The green boy thought back to last week. He had spent most of his school hours typing instructions into his watch and sending them to his computer. As an Invader, he needed to constantly come out with new weapons and destructive machines. And his most recent, GENIUS idea was a hypnosis device. His only problem was figuring out where to use it so that he could captivate a live human audience. But that would come in time.

"Um…of course I was!" he answered, offering an unconvincing smile to the black-haired boy. "I just….um…"

"You have no idea what a musical is, do you?"

"Of course I do…not." He muttered, making his way down the hall behind the rest of the class. Dib walked along beside him for lack of anything else to do. He hated the alien, but knowing more about Earth culture (for reasons that never struck Zim as obvious) made him feel superior.

"It's simple. People memorize lines and songs and perform in front of an audience. We dress up. There are all sorts of famous musicals out there. Phantom of the Opera, Rent, Wicked, Footlose. Stuff like that."

Zim was staring at Dib as though he had grown a second head. One violet eye was narrowed and one was wide open. "That has to be the STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard!"

Dib shook his head in response. "Look, it's not my idea of a great time, but it is pretty fun and you'd be amazed what we can do in a month. Plus, the money we get from ticket sales will go straight to the school budget."

"Yes, yes, that's all _very _fascinating. Count me out."

XXX

"Lalala, laaaaaaaa! And fly away with meeeeeee!" a small blond concluded his tryout for the lead role in the musical they were doing, his voice had nearly shattered the windows. The piano accompanist looked a bit nauseas.

"Thank you, Melvin. As morbidly disgusting as your voice was, it was actually better than the others so far." Ms. Bitters said in her witch's voice. Melvin appeared to be on Cloud 9. "Unfortunately, we need your voice to be able to carry through the whole auditorium, so unless you can sing louder, better, and clearer, YOU PLAY THE CRIPPLED PRISONER ONBOARD THE SHIP!" the child ran away in tears.

"_The Flying Pirate Ship_? What kind of play is this?" Zim asked with incredulity, reading the script.

"Actually, this is one of the better ones," Dib admitted. "Not only does it have romance between the pirate king, Captain GreenBeard and the lovely maiden, Spectalina, but it has ACTION! Something I feel most musicals lack."

"Yes, Earth-slug, I'm sure you're having a field day with this, now go try out so I can be alone!" the Irken snapped, pushing Dib ahead. Despite himself, Dib felt his heart flutter in excitement. Soon the auditorium before him would be full of people...what if he got the lead role?!

"DIB! GET UP HERE NOW!"

"Yes, Ms. Bitters. Um, I'd like to audition for the role of GreenBeard. I guess I'll use the song Isn't It Cool To Be a Pirate."

"Fine. Begin."

Meanwhile, back behind the stage, Zim breathed a sigh of relief. His communicator had gone off while he was talking to Dib...an emergency call from GIR. "GIR, I received your transmission, what is it? I'm at Skool!"

"IT'S HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! MASTEEEER!"

"Sh! What, GIR, what?"

"S-sorry!" on the screen projected out of the PAK on Zim's back, he could see his SIR unit with tears streaming down his face. How he could cry was beyond anyone. He was, after all, _advanced. _"I...waaah...I lost...I lost my piggie!"

"Your...piggie?"

"Yeah. You know? The little rubber one?! I loved that piggie! And now he's gone! GONE! Waaaah!"

"Sh, quiet, GIR, quiet! I'll...urg, I'll buy you a new one on my way home—"

"I don't want another piggie! I want MY piggie!"

Groaning, Zim cut the transmission and turned back to the stage where Dib was finishing his tryout solo.

"The life of a slave to the SEEEEEEEAAAAAAA! Ha!" he took a deep breath. "Well, what do you think?"

"Dib...that was just pathetic." his teacher scowled.

"Hahaha! Yes, pathetic, indeed, Dib-monkey!" Zim guffawed, stalking across the stage so as to laugh at his enemy better. Humiliated and angry, Dib met Zim halfway and stamped on his foot as hard as he could. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! OUCH!"

Ms. Bitters' eyes widened and she looked up at the alien in shock.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"That's it—"

"AAA-AAA-AAAAAAAH! PAIN!"

His loud voice tore through the entire auditorium. "That voice—"

"YOU SHALL PAY, DIB-STINK!"

"You! ZIM!"

"Huh?"

"You shall be this musical's Captain GreenBeard!"

"HUH?!" this time the Invader and the black-haired boy were in unison.

"His voice," she explained as close to excitement as she would ever get, "it's just what we need, commanding, loud, a bit high and scratchy, but who cares? It's GreenBeard incarnate!"

"You're giving that part to Zim?! He doesn't even want to be in the play!" Dib argued. "And I sang my heart out!"

"Well, obviously no one cares. Although you did sing well. I suppose that should be rewarded...fine. Dib, you can also be a lead role."

"Yes!" he cried, pumping a fist.

"You can be Spectalina."

"All righ—what?! But that's the lead _girl _role."

"I'm well aware of that!"

"But Zim doesn't even want—"

"Actually, _hyuman_," the violet-eyed boy cut him off, "upon reconsideration, I suppose this 'play' isn't such a stupid thing after all. I mean, she was right on about my beautiful voice, wasn't she?"

"You're such an egotist, you only agreed because she praised you."

"Don't be a sore loser, human." Zim advised with a cruel smirk before spinning on his heel and leaving.

Dib sighed angrily, aware fighting would do no good. After a moment's pause, he turned back to his teacher. "I suppose you still wouldn't give me that role even if I told you he was an alien, right?"

Her eyes narrowed and an animalistic growl escaped her throat. Walking away with great annoyance, he shook his head. "Didn't think so."

**A/N: Phew! Chapter one! OK, the song's aren't real, nor is the play, nor are the characters in the play. When they sing, I'll leave the tune up to you because I have none. So GreenBeard is obvioulsy Zim because he's green. Spectalina (Speck-tah-lina) is Dib, you know, as in glasses, spectacles, he wears them...no?...get it...?**

**And do people write GIR as that or Gir? Whichever you think is correct, please tell me. Any other questions, comments, or concerns, please PM or leave in a review, please. K, great. Please review and I hope you enjoyed chapter one!**


	2. Chapter 2 Practice Makes Perfect

The Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure

Disclaimer: I wanna own Zimmy! Zimmy...? I don't though. Jhnon Vasquez and I had this huge fist fight and there was blood everywhere...but he won. Long disclaimer, huh?!

**A/N: Here we are with chapter two! YAAAAY! I finished the story already, so there won't be long waits for the chapters. The story itself will be complete in I think it's...seven chapters...? Yeah, around there. It's short, but I can't write long comedies anyway, it never works. So read and enjoy! Warning: it does seem implyed in this chapter, but NO ZADR! I'm not a ZaDr hater, but they'd both kill me for this chapter if they could they hate it so much!**

Ch. 2: Practice Makes Perfect

"Isn't it really cool to be a pirate? Isn't really neat we live on ships? Isn't just plain awesome that we get to steal and collect other's treasure 'till we're rich?"

Zim, along with the chorus of classmates, danced and sang Isn't It Cool To Be a Pirate. Decked out in his costume, which consisted of a dark blue cloak, big boots with golden buckles, a loose belt, and pirate hat and beard (the hat bearing the famous skull and crossbones insignia), Zim beamed, feeling like royalty. Miraculously, the class had shown immense talent for singing and dancing, and in a mere week and a half, they were almost ready to preform. It was like something out of a cartoon! (A/N: ......)

"Big finale," Ms. Bitters instructed as the music played and the song drew to a close.

"We are slaves to the sea, that's the life for me the life of a slave of the SEEEAAAAAAAAA!"

The alien jumped forward, sliding to the edge of the stage on his knees, arms spread out. Those who weren't in that number clapped and smiled...some just picked their noses.

Dib, however was glaring daggers at the green boy. _Stupid Zim...I could've done the part better. And the green beard totally clashes with his _alien _skin! _He kicked the wall in annoyance.

"Spectalina! You're on! GET OUT HERE!" someone screamed. Sulkily, Dib sauntered out in a dress, corset and all. Not only was it hard to breath, was his long wig of brunette ringlets heavy and itchy, and were the high heels difficult to walk in, but the dress was adorned with sequins...so any scene with him in it was bound to draw attention.

"Spectalina," Zim called loudly, enjoying himself and Dib's humiliation, "come with me! Together we shall rule the seven seas!"

_I. Hate. You. _"Oh, GreenBeard, will all of our dreams come true, really?"

"Only if I have you at my side."

The dark-haired boy stumbled over to stand by the lead role while a romantic duet came on. Dib sighed and opened his mouth. "Oh, a pirate's life wasn't right for me—"

"Yo ho ho and a future so bright,"

"That is, till I fell in love, you see—"

"I'll take you aboard my ship tonight,"

"And now, GreeeeeenBeard,"

"Yo ho ho ho,"

"GreeeeeeeeeeenBeard,"

"Come, let's go,"

"By you're side, I always swear to...."

They sang together, "fiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

They then turned to smile lovingly at eachother. Zim bore his sharp teeth in a twisted grin of malice. Dib's lips curled up but his expression spoke of murder. They stood there, together, until the other crew members came out, signaling the next song where they would both get off and take a break. Zim spoke a few last words to his 'scurvy crew,' and took the exit with the human.

"Ill get you for this, Spaceboy. I swear I will."

"Face it, Dib-stink, you're jealous because I can sing better than you."

"You cannot, your voice is just louder!"

"Haha, what's the difference?"

XXX

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to a certain Irken, a certain SIR unit was tearing the base apart. "Piggie! PIGGIE?! WHERE ARE YOU?! Where's my piggie?" GIR screamed, tearing the doors off the cabinets as he searched desperately. Finding nothing, he gave the decimated living room and kitchen a final look of wild misery, and jumped down the trash can-tunnel into Zim's lab.

"SIR unit, SIR unit...GIR!" the computer's bored, robotic monotone rang out.

"Can't you see I'm searching?!"

"The master will be displeased to come home to find his base destroyed. Quit while you're ahead and cease this recklessness."

GIR paused, looking suspiciously at the computer (which had no specific location so he basically glared down the entire room). "Why do you want me to stop searching...unless...you have my piggie!"

"No. I simply don't want the hair-brained master to—"

"GIMME BACK MY PIGGIE!"

"GIR—!"

BAM! CRASH! WHHHHHHRRRRRRR!

There was the sound of metal being torn to shreds as GIR ripped into the walls of the base, tearing wires out as he went along trying to find his elusive toy. Just as he finished, glaring angrily and disappointed at the mass of smoking rubble that had once been the base, a familiar voice rang out.

"GIR? GIR, are you here?"

Temporarily forgetting his misery, the robot smiled. "Master's home! Woo-hoo!" he took off up the elevator (which somehow still worked) and met Zim in a bone-crushing hug. "Master!"

"Urg...can't...breath...GIR..." he was promptly released. "Did you do this?"

GIR looked around. "Oh, yeah. I did. I was lookin' for my piggie."

"Ah. Oh, well. Doesn't matter. You see, GIR, I have more important things to worry about right now than the appearance of my Earth-home facade—"

"Oooh, parade?"

"No, _f_aca—never mind. As I was saying, I have more important issues. You already know that I've outshone the Dib-monkey in this year's 'school musical,' right?"

"Correct, sir." the servant answered, switching to duty mode to answer the question, and eyes then changing from red back to blue.

"Well it seems that sometimes my genius impresses even me. Me! I AM ZIM!"

"I know. And I'm—"

"The idea came to me as our _filthy, stinky Earth teacher _was briefing us on what to do next week when the show opens up. Her words were something to the extent of: (he tried to mimic her voice, and with his own scratchy screech it was none too pleasant.) 'This is turning out excellent. I'm sure we'll see a full house opening night. This entire auditorium will be packed.'"

"Doom, dee doom doom—"

"Are you listening? Do you know what this means!?"

"Hm..." gears whirled as GIR processed the information and sought a conclusion. "We're gonna buy a llama?!"

"Um...no."

"Awww."

"What it means, my stupid friend, is that I can use my hypnosis mind modulator to brainwash the pah-theeeh-tik humans into thinking I am their lord and master. Which will be true once I use a zombie army to take over the military and then the entire world. Irk shall rule this miserable rock and my Tallest shall be most pleased by my brilliance! MWUA-HAHAHAHA!"

GIR joined in although he didn't get it, laughing along. "Heeheehee, ahahaha! HAHAHA!"

"AHAH!"

Both turned to the door where Dib was standing with a camera. He smiled victoriously. "You let our school's performance go to your head, Zim. Just because you got lucky doesn't mean I'd ever let you come out on top! I've just recorded all your evil plans and will submit this film to the Swollen Eyeball. You'll be ruined! Ruined! Ru—"

ZAP!

His camera was blown to bits as one of the lawn gnomes/security systems blasted it. "Nooo! You win this time. Stupid, dumb, green, I could do a better job than him at GreenBeard..." he muttered and walked away. Zim and GIR watched.

"Well that was random. TO THE BASE!"

**Yaa-hoo! Too bad GIR destroyed that too. Oh, well, Zim's in a good mood, right? So I guess no one has problems with the lack of creative-ness for Zim and Dib's stage names. And as for the ridiculous song, you guys are once again on your own. Zim's part is along the lines of the 'yo ho ho and a bottle of rum' thing and Dib...idk. I laugh everytime I picture them singing that, though. Hope you did, too. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3 Race Against Time

The Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure

**Hi, guys! Back again! Hope you have been enjoying this story! THNX for the reviews, taichou! Oh, and Liss? I DID IT! I PUT TEH SQUIRRELS IN IT! CURSE THEEEEM! Sorry to those who didn't get that. Anyway, please review after reading and enjoy chapter three.**

Ch. 3: Race Against Time

"NOOOOOOO! MY BASE! MY BEAUTIFUL BASE! NOOOOOO!"

"It sure is messy down here. Sammich time!" GIR looked around with fleeting interest and proceeded to pull a sandwich out of his head and eat it.

"You did this...why'd you do it, GIR? Hello, mission at stake here..._again_!"

"I needed to find my piggie. I didn't find my piggie! Ah!" he screamed and made a move to jump back and destroy everything further, but Zim grabbed him and held him back.

"No. I have a mere six days. _Six days_ to get everything up and running again and finish the adjustments on my hypnosis device. GIR, get to cleaning. We don't have any time to lose."

"Yes, sir!"

"Zim's gonna use that hypnosis...whatever machine and hynotize everyone! He'll use our own people to take us down. I have to stop him! But how? And...why am I talking to myself?" Dib paced in a circle for the thousandth time in his room, struggling to come up with a way to stop the alien's plan. He wasn't afraid of being hypnotized, he had made goggles to protect himself from it as while ago for just such an occasion. But he couldn't protect everyone like he could himself, "Or can I?" he asked, a smile spreading across his face.

Downstairs, Gaz was playing her Gameslave, a glare on her face despite the fact that she was winning. Her brother came bounding down in a rush. "Gaz! I'm going to the store to buy some materials. I won't let Zim win this round!"

"...Loser."

The next week was one of constant struggle for both Zim and Dib. Each day that he wasn't in school, the Irken spent countless hours welding, re-synchronizing, and building new additions to his precious lab. At one point, he had neared completion, only to have it destroyed by a wild pack of rabid squirrels.

"Oh, curse those furry, mutant-things! CURSE YOU SQUIRRELS!"

He spent most of his time working on the main computer, and once that was up and running, focused on the hypnosis device. He tirelessly re-wired and planted charging stations in the walls before putting them back up. By the end of the week, that balanced with the countless hours spent working to perfect the school play had him looking worse for wear.

Dib wasn't much better. He had purchased everything he would need at the hardware store and begun work as soon as the idea had hit him. If he could protect himself from Zim's evil alien plans, why not protect the rest of Earth? It was his job, in a way. He was the only one who could see through Zim's disguise and also the only future paranormal researcher in town.

It had started with him making goggles that looked similar to his usual glasses. However, they were specially designed to deflect the nanoscopic waves that entered the brain and took control over it. It was laborious and time-consuming, but Dib had dedicated himself to making 500 pairs of goggles...to protect everyone that might enter the auditorium. He could hand them out, he figured, as people came in. It would be fairly easy to convince everyone that they were free with the purchase of a ticket. After all, who didn't love free stuff? Dib sighed, he had hardly slept and there were dark circles under his eyes. It had been a long and demanding week.

Neither of them were aware that they were not the only ones suffering. It was dark in the closet, oh so very dark. It was cold too. And the only sound that could be heard was the sound of quiet sobbing. GIR sat, holding a photograph in his hands and crying to himself.

"Why...?" he buried his head in his hands once again, dropping the photo to the ground. It was a picture of himself, smiling happily and holding a small rubber pig in his hands. It spoke of better times, of happier times. "I...I loveded you, piggie. I loveded you!"

It was nearly three in the morning the night before the play when evil, psychotic laughter rang through the neighborhood. "MUHAHAHAHA! IT IS COMPLETE!" Zim smiled, baring his sharp teeth as he held up a small gun with a swirly satellite receiver on the back. "VICTORY FOR ZIIIM!"

"NO!" Dib shot forward in his bed, his forehead was damp with perspiration. "Huh? It...it was just a dream? Thank goodness!" he laid back down, heart racing but slowly returning to normal and closing his eyes. That's when he heard it. The faint sound of laughter, echoing off in the distance. "So it wasn't a dream...?" he turned onto his side on the bed, facing his room. "No matter. I'm ready for him. Tomorrow, Zim. We wage war."

500 pairs of goggles sparkled at him in the moonlight. And in his arms, he snuggled a stun gun like it was a teddy bear as he drifted back into his dreams of victory.

**Haha...I miscalculated. This is the next to last chapter. HAHAHA...urg. Sorry. So um, enjoy, reivew and please don't miss the final installation of the Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure, coming soon!**


	4. Chapter 4 Flying Pirates Afoot!

The Wacky Flying Singing Pirate Adventure

**You've reached the end, I'm afraid. It's a long, action-packed chapter of random hilarity so please read, review, and read the author's note at the bottom.**

**Disclaimer: No, Iay onay ownay Invaderay Imzay. Lolz. Jhnonen Vasquez, evurbudy.**

Ch. 4: Opening Night: Flying Pirates Afoot!

Crowds of excited citizens gathered in front of Skool, purchasing tickets to get into the play. They had heard that it would be spectacular and were very eager to see it. The stage in the auditorium was decorated lavishly. So much so you wondered why the students didn't have the money for books and chalk the rest of the year. Lights were hung and bright teal curtains covered in gold glitter awaited their audience to come to open and reveal the inside set...

Zim sat in his own makeup room as two random students powdered his face and adjusted his beard. "That's right, make sure I look perfect for tonight. It is, after all, the first step towards world domination!"

"Wh-what?" asked the one little girl.

"Um...I said...the first step towards...Earl's...exploration?"

"Ooooh. Well good for Earl, I guess."

The Irken smiled maliciously at the girl's stupidity. "Yes. Good for Earl indeed...his eyes narrowed at the thought of all the people in the packed room, bowing down to him, calling him master...a chuckle escaped his lips.

Meanwhile, Dib was also setting his plan into action. "Free goggles with purchase of one ticket! Here, sir, take your free goggles, guaranteed to make your Flying Pirate Ship watching an unforgettable one! Ma'am, have I shown you and your child these complimentary goggles? Better put 'em on, everyone'll be wearin' them!"

A small green dog with a huge head walked over, ticket in hand. Dib turned, grinning like a salesman. His face fell when he recognized the disguise worn by Zim's robot slave, GIR. "Free gog—oh..."

GIR took them, not noticing Dib's expression. "Thank you." he looked touched, tears coming to his eyes for a moment before he walked past the boy into the auditorium.

It was five to seven and everyone was running around backstage. "Spectalina, get into your shoes!"

"Already? They're hard to walk in."

"Do it, Dib-stink!"

"Shut up, Zim!"

"That's Captain GreenBeard to you, hyuman!"

"Oh, get over yourself alread-"

"ZIM! DIB! Shut your mouths and get moving! The curtain is about to open!" Ms. Bitters called loudly, making Dib's eardrums ache and Zim's antennae throb in pain. They both obeyed, Dib hurrying behind the left side of the stage and Zim jumping onto the biggest prop, nodding as his cohorts followed his lead.

"Here we go in three...two...one...now!"

The beautiful curtains pulled apart, revealing a huge pirate ship. The floor of the stage was covered in blue sheets to look like the wavy blue ocean, and the ship was suspended by several cables about seven feet up in the air. It was lit with golden lights and the words _Nautical Muse _were printed on the side; that was the name of the ship. Zim (who was decked out with glamorous attire for GreenBeard's opening song) was balanced on the edge of a beam that stuck out the side of the ship. Technically, it was probably extremely dangerous, but Ms. Bitters could care less and the Irken warrior had no fear of heights and a good center of balance. Also upon the ship were several of the student body, also dressed in pirate costumes, although not nearly as grand as the green boy's.

The crowd gasped in thrilled wonder at the majesty of the set. Gaz, who was towards the back and sitting with her father, glanced up. "Feh," she scoffed. "It's not all that great."

Zim grinned as the piano's first note rang out, silencing the room. He opened his mouth, and began to sing.

"OOOOOOOH, join us now, ye scurvy mates, for a trip across the sea! You'll learn of romance, gold and gore, and if it don't scare theeee,"

The rest of the kids joined in, "Then hop aboard, and set your sails for what you're 'bout to seeeeeeee! The glorious tale, yes the epic tale of us pirates of the sea!"

"AHOY! AHOY!"

"There's merriment and sword fights, and giant squids,"

"There's treasure hunts, walking the plank and raiding villages!"

"So join if yer heart be strong and true, and watch and learn what we pirates do,"

"We never, never, never give a care about the weather, so look out, sea dogs! GREENBEARD'S COMIN' THROUGH!"

A fake gunshot rang out as the ship swung forward a few feet and Zim pretended to fire into the audience. People gasped and clapped appreciatively as the stage darkened for the second song. Although he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the attention, Zim knew the time was now. Those stupid humans were totally enthralled with the performance. Stupid humans with their clapping, and whistling, and those dumb glasses...where did they come from anyway? The Invader shook his head. That was irrelevant. The scene re-opened and he had to walk on as two 'sailors' we talking. He moved swiftly and pulled out the hypnosis ray.

"Ah, Captain GreenBeard, looks like our food supply is low. Time to raid another ship!" one boy said.

"No, I don't think that shall be put on the agenda today," Zim answered cooly. Both children passed confused glances—this wasn't in the script. "Instead, I think it's time for a little MIND CONTROL!" and with that, he hit a button and aimed at the crowd. With a strange beep, the ray came to life. The spiral on it began to twirl. The crowd 'Ooohed' and stared into it. "Listen to me. From now on, you shall do whatever I tell you. And I shall be your lord and master, Zi-"

"Not today, alien-scum!"

He turned his head rapidly. "You! The four-eyed pig-smellie!"

Dib stood, in high heels, a poofy dress and a huge hairpiece. The only recognizable features were his glasses and orangey-brown eyes glowing through them victoriously. Gaz rolled her eyes at this. "Way to go, moron." Her father just wolf-whistled at the sight.

"Doesn't your brother know how to make an entrance?"

"You see, this past week, I've done a little planning of my own. I made goggles for everyone _to negate your hypnosis ray's effects. _Their eyes are safe right now."

"Why you-"

"And it doesn't stop there," the dark-haired boy persisted, grinning as Zim's eyes widened with incredulity as he was cut off, "I made something special for you too, _Zim..._" he pulled out his stun gun and fired.

The audience gasped as Zim jumped out of the way. The gun hit the little girl on stage. The boy cried out in fear and ran away. In her seat, Gaz looked up. "Cool." The green boy had risen and was looking at Dib with an irate look of hatred.

"C'mon, Spaceboy. Think you can take me?" the brown-eyed boy asked.

"I'll make you wish you were never born," his hissed, ripping off his beard and hopping out of his boots. The boy followed his lead, pulling the wig off and kicking off the high heels at the alien who side-stepped them both with ease. "But do you really want to fight here and now? You look so pretty in that dress."

Some people chuckled at the sarcasm, thinking this was all part of the show (mind you, they were very, very stupid).

"Shut up and show me what you've got. I've been waiting a long time for this."

Ms. Bitters— who had been watching in an irate fury and had been about to unleash her wrath upon the two for ruining her class' musical— paused. "This drama...this..._passion_...PERFECT! Start the band back up, we have our performance." The musicians obeyed, starting a dramatic piece with which the two could commence battle.

"I'll take this victory in honor of Earth."

"You count your ziddlewabs before they hatch, human."

Without another spoken word, the two leaped for each other. Dib raised his gun and with no further use for it, Zim threw his hypnosis ray. The Irken dodged in time to see his weapon hit it's target (how _could_ he, ZIM, miss that _giant, obscenely large head_?!). Dib cried out in pain, but grabbed onto 'GreenBeard's' jacket and swung Zim into a wall.

"Oof!"

"Ha! Take that!"

Thinking quickly, the green boy shrugged off the jacket and jumped back with the use of four spider legs he sent shooting out of his PAK. He landed up on top of the ship which was still suspended in the air, earning some gasps and cheers from the audience. Ever the vain one, Zim turned to acknowledge this.

"That's right! Praise me! ME!"

Not defeated yet, Dib shot his gun now at one of the four cables holding the ship up. The Irken cried out and re-gained balance as the black-haired boy grabbed the loose cable that fell and climbed up to meet the alien. As Zim turned to attack, Dib fired again and hit Zim's left arm. Most of his body was affected, but his spider legs still worked and he struggled to back away from the human while avoiding more attacks.

"GIR! Help! Help your master!" he called. In the audience, GIR had been slurping a smoothie. Under his green dog costume, his eyes glowed red. He shot forward onto the stage with a gruff 'yes, sir!'

Once there, he launched off the ground to jump onto the ship. He froze midarir, eyes growing wide as saucers. "Pi-pi-pi-"

"GIR?!"

"Pi-" he fell back down to the ground. Wedged in a crook on the bottom of the flying pirate ship was a little rubber piggie (A/N: for the convinicence of the story, work with me here!). "PIGGIE!"

"GIR!" Zim cried trying to get the robot's attention. But it was no use. The SIR unit flung himself up, grabbed the piggie and jumped back down with a loud thump. The orchestra switched to a gushy song of joy, making people in the audience tear up, touched. The robot hugged his piggie happily. Seeing his chance, Dib smiled and turned to the alien who was still staring in an infuriated shock at the incompetence of his robot slave. The raven-haired boy pulled the trigger and hit Zim in the chest point-blank. Zim gasped at the impact, his entire body going limp as the blast blew him off the ship. He skidded across the floor and stopped when his body slammed into a wall. "Ack...ow..." not only had his wig slipped off, but one of his contacts had also come out and his true form was reveled.

"Behold!" Dib yelled, pointing down. He slid down the loose cable and held the gun to the immobilized Irken's head. Zim managaged to glare, but he couldn't summon the strength to speak. "An alien!" The crowd gasped.

"What a twist!" Professor Membrane spoke out.

"Dad! You finally believe me?!"

"Who can deny that evidence? GreenBeard is an alien! That makes an exciting play!" others agreed. Even Gaz nodded.

"No...I mean Zim is an actual alien. In real life, not in the play!" he continued to try and persude the crowd while the Irken drew a shaky breath and turned to GIR.

"GIR...help. Help your master...GIR..."

The robot looked up from his rubber pig. "Master..." his eyes trailed back to his beloved toy.

"GIR..." the Invader's voice was weak. "Help...me..."

GIR's eyes filled with tears. "I-I'm sorry...sorry...piggie." with that, he jumped right out of his costume and his eyes glowed red. He threw the piggie with all his robotic might and it hit Dib so hard he flew back, unconcious, and hit the ground with a dull thud. That done, he ran over to his master and knelt by his side. "You okay, Master?"

Zim sighed. "Yes. Now." his voice was still little more than a whisper. "That'll do, GIR." his hand shook feebly as he lifted it to pat the SIR's head. "That'll do."

Although the alien hadn't fazed anyone, they all found GIR quite fascinating. One woman stood in the audience. "Is...that a talking toaster?"

"No, it's a waffle iron!"

"I like waffles!" GIR giggled.

Everyone gasped. "If it likes waffles...it must be...an alien robot!" shouts of agreement rang out. The extra terrestrial pair passed worried glances.

"GIR,"

"Uh-huh?"

"Remember that thing I told you to do only if it was absolutely, positively, indefinately necessary?"

"Dance?"

"No, GIR, the other thing."

"Ooh. Yeeees. Can I?"

"I think you'd better."

"WEEE! I mean—yes, sir! Self-destruct mode: activated!"

Ms. Bitters rushed out. "No! It'll ruin everything! DON'T—"

But it was too late. With an earth-shattering boom, GIR blew the entire auditorium up.

XXX

Everyone had gone home, barely remembering any details about the play they had watched or what it had to do with pirates, just that the special effects were great and Zim's acting really sucked. The only ones left were Dib, who had woken up, Zim, who had regained his mobility, and Ms. Bitters who was off cursing the world for making her shining moment end in DOOM. She had forced the two boys to clean up the entire Skool, which was burned to bits due to the explosion.

"This is all your fault, Spaceboy. I will expose you next time!"

"Only the stupid talk big, earth-puke." the Irken informed in a bored tone. They glared off at the destroyed seats from the stage of the auditorium they were cleaning. The only other person in there at the moment was a small robot, holding a scorched and malformed piggie who had survived the explosion.

"Ooh, listen to the waves, a-slapping on the _Muse_,

walk along the poop-deck, if that is what you chooose,"

Zim and Dib looked at eachother as GIR sang in his high-pitched trill. They shrugged simultaineously and joined in the very end of the lead song.

"We are the slaves of the sea, that's the life for me, the life of a slave of the seeeeaaaaaaa...."

The singed curtains fell on the three.

"I hate you, Zim."

"I love my piggie!"

"Oh, both of you shut up already."

END!

**Uh.....TAH DAH! I really, really hope you all enjoyed it! This is not where my IZ writing stops. I may post a ZaDr (please don't stone me! please don't stone me! Die hard haters, I understand, but you don't have to read it!) along with any other randomness that pops into my head. K? K! **

**Also, ALSO! TallestCora mentioned in a review...DRAWING A SCENE from TWFPA! IDK if she was being serious, but if anyone wants to create fanart...well, I think I'd herniate, but it'd be worth it because I'd be so happy! you people know , I'm sure. Post some stuff if you want! And PM me a link so I can see it!**

**Finally, on a more serious note, this final chapter is dedicated to our family rooster, Clucky, who was killed by a dog earlier today, April 14, 2009. I loved him like a pet dog or cat, and may he rest in peace.**

**That's all, please review!**


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